I am not a Warrior of the Light
April 1, 2009Yes. I now admit.
What really hurts isn’t the things that we have done. It’s the things that we have not done.
There are a lot of it in my life. Some of them I just decided not to. Some, others decided for me not to but I badly wanted to.
-Not going to de Manila.
-Not going to Korea.
-Not going to Xiamen, China.
-Going to priesthood.
-Being a grumpy old man when time wants me to be jubilant.
-Not taking the scariest ride in Ocean Park.
-Not saying yes to things I said no to.
-Not being on the track I wanted to be in.
-Being in the path I am into right now.
-Supressing my love for somebody because I was afraid that I derail on my path to priesthood. [Yet seminary life never came.]
-Thinking that all of this has a purpose and that it was better that I let go of my desires to be able to satisfy what others wanted me to be.
-Regretting all my life for not going for the girl I love all because I thought I will be allowed to go for seminary life.
-Knowing that this list never ends.
How ironic. My mom taught me to go and say YES! for the experience. She pushed me to go and get in an underground cave in Bohol I was afraid of getting into. I did. And I did not regret. I learned to be brave.
But she was also the one who told me not to take what I have desired my life to be.
Life is so tragic to me. It is crooked. It is never straight. My life is a life of SAYANGS and SANAS. My life is also good as it is right now, I suppose. I am grateful. But I am regretful. I have let go of so many chances and opportunities in life.
I always sleep at night with these thoughts in mind.
What if…
What have I eaten to sacrifice my future just like that?
Why did I let go of that golden opportunity?
I guess it’s better this way because…
Just be grateful for the diversion of paths you have undergone because…
It is a never-ending nostalgia of the life that must have been.
The Warrior of the Light knows that he is free to choose his desires, and he makes these decisions with courage, detachment and -sometimes- with just a touch of madness. - Paulo Coelho
I guess I am not one.
Previous Comments
Dude of Quietude, i found your blog interesting and full of insights. i hope we can exchange links and share more thoughts in Christ.
Godbless you,
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You are a warrior my friend…
“Warriors of the Light are wounded by the most foolish things, they worry about trivialities, they believe themselves incapable of growing, Warrior of the Light sometimes believe themselves unworthy of any blessing or miracle.
Warriors of the Light often ask themselves what they are doing here. Often they find their lives meaningless.
That is what they are Warriors of the Light. Because they fail. Because they ask questions. Because they keep looking for a meaning. And, in the end, they will find it” - Paulo Coelho
Ciao!!!
Posted by Yodz Insigne at April 23, 2009, 10:49 am